When we enter this world, it’s easy to think that everything revolves around us. As babies, the attention we get reinforces that belief. But as we grow, we start to understand that the world is filled with other people, each with their own perspectives, interests, and needs. Yet, even as adults, many of us hold onto a fundamental misconception: we assume that everyone can be persuaded in the same way we prefer to be persuaded.
The Evolution of Influence
Back at the start of my career, I was lucky enough to read a book about “Positive Power and Influence.” This book has been a game-changer for me ever since. The core idea was simple yet profound: there are four basic ways to influence others, but most of us rely on just a few of these styles — often the ones that work on us or were used by our parents.
Let’s break down these four influence styles:
- Assertive Persuasion
- Presenting facts and logical arguments to make your case.
2. Common Vision
- Painting a compelling vision for the future and inspiring others to chase that vision.
3. Participation and Trust
- Building personal relationships where people follow you because they trust and value your leadership.
4. Rewards and Punishments
- The classic carrot-and-stick approach, using incentives or consequences to guide behavior.
Coming from an IT background, I naturally gravitated toward assertive persuasion. Logic was my go-to tool. I used it in every direction — upwards to management, sideways to peers, and downwards to my team. Sometimes it worked, but often it didn’t. I found myself puzzled, wondering why my well-reasoned arguments weren’t more effective. That book opened my eyes: the problem wasn’t with my logic but with my approach. I was choosing the wrong influence style for the situation.
The Right Style for the Right Situation
This concept might ring a bell if you’ve ever taken a course on tailoring your sales approach to different types of buyers. It’s the same principle: some people make decisions based on logic and features, while others are guided by trust in the salesperson or simply by how well they’re treated. There’s no single “right” way to sell — just as there’s no single “right” way to persuade.
I’ve heard this described as a twist on the Golden Rule. We all know the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a good start because it reminds us not to be self-centered. But it doesn’t go far enough. It assumes that we’re all the same, which we’re not. Instead, we should follow a different rule: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” In other words, treat people the way they want to be treated — not the way you want to be treated. That’s the essence of the “Positive Power and Influence” book: figure out how others want to be persuaded, and then adapt your style to meet their needs.
Applying Persuasion in Real Life
Whether you’re trying to lead people toward a bold new future or simply get them to adopt a new process, the challenge is the same. To influence someone to do something new or uncomfortable, you need to use the right persuasion technique. Sometimes, you’ll need to combine multiple techniques to cater to the different personalities within your organization.
For someone in IT, where logic and consistency are king, this might feel a bit unnatural. But remember: Technology is ultimately about people, processes, and change. The hardware and software are just tools to achieve a goal. If you can’t persuade others, you won’t succeed — not just in IT, but in any field.
Conclusion
In the end, effective persuasion is about flexibility. It’s about recognizing that different people respond to different approaches and being willing to adjust your style to meet those needs. Whether you’re a manager, a leader, or just trying to get through the day, mastering the art of persuasion is key to your success.